Courtroom Observer Pillows

"Overruled."

"My client pleads guilty your honor but..."

Sorry. That was one fast spider.

'Let's show a little mercy here - after all the criminal element is good for our economy.'

Innocent / Guilty

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Now that's a win."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

'Why is it always about me?'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Repeat after me..."

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'With my degree in law and in physics, I hope to create resonable doubt.'

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'