Court Officials T-Shirts

Judicial Restraint

"Your honour, I must protest this is tampering with the jury!"

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Now that's a win."

"Bailiff."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

Yawning barristers in court

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I can hardly wait for someone to invent paper.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Why is it always about me?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!