Court Life Gifts

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Bailiff."

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Arrogant junior barrister

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

Pinocchio and Partners Lawyers.

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

'Well, son, the justice system depends on finding 12 people who are smart and impartial enough to judge the accused intelligently without malice or favor.'