Couple's Night Gifts

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

Mixed Doubles.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Family with pets.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"We are doing something. You're just not good at it."

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

Home Business - Electric Stapler.

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

'On second thought dear, I think it's your turn to make breakfast.'

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?"

"Be careful, Darlene. He's wearing a ring."

"We used to entertain a great deal."

'Hot' and 'dog' t-shirts.

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Paul knew he looked great in pastels.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

One Way - Yield

And they lived happily ever after for a few years until the quirks they found so cute in each other when they were dating eventually drove them both insane the end.

Home Business - Newspaper Ad.

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'