Couple's Night Gifts

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

Mixed Doubles.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Family with pets.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"We are doing something. You're just not good at it."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Home Business - Electric Stapler.

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"Be careful, Darlene. He's wearing a ring."

"We used to entertain a great deal."

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?"

'On second thought dear, I think it's your turn to make breakfast.'

'Hot' and 'dog' t-shirts.

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

One Way - Yield

Home Business - Newspaper Ad.

Paul knew he looked great in pastels.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'