Countryside Humorist Pillows

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"

'You've played Pooh sticks right?'

Look lively ladies! We have 2 milk poachers at 3 o'clock!

Farmhouse wars

"He's been like this ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

I fart more than that!

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

"Static cling."

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

A Venus cow trap.

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."