Country Crooner T-Shirts

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

JimmyFest 2006

Rhinestone Accountant

Dolly Parton

Banjo Player

"Gentlemen, let's pick it up again with 'I Been Livin' on Cold Navy Beans.'"

Kris Kristofferson

'One more yippeee-ki-yi from Roy Rogers back there,and i'm putting a hoof through that guitar.'

The New Modern-Day Lament.

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Bobby Biddle, world's worst country singer.

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

Bashful in Nashville

'Well inspector I want to be a Country and Western singer, but I felt I was too happy! I needed a dead dog to sing about, but the wife got in the way, which is great, I feel really sad.'

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

Country Music Awards

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

Elvis Presley

"I'm putting you on country music."

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."