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Modern Attention Spans

Low-Energy Drinks

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

Binge Watch

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'Are you just back from work or on your way to the office?'

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Ah, business as usual.'

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

Help! I've fallen in love and I can't get up! Cat alert system.

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'It's topped with things I found under my sofa cushions.'

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

'World Cup? Nobody told me there was a football match on!'

'Try putting a remote in one hand aan a beer in the other and see if he starts up.'

World Cup reactions

Hank had been asleep for hours, but amazingly his clicker finger kept going.