Couch Potato Expert Pillows

"In order to survive the shark needs to move constantly."

"Devin agrees with the president. Americans are dreamers too."

Invention to hit the TV.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Bowled over again!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

American Idle.

'I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still (would you believe?)')

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"I'd go with you, but I'm a non-sporting breed."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

Love is when you watch television together.

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

'Och lye the news'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'