Couch Potato Pillows

"It's taking more and more destruction just to feel anything."

"Have you given any thought to what you're going to do with your life after the Super Bowl?"

"Do I need to remind you that I have a huge Internet following?"

'If reading books is so important, how come you never see people on TELEVISION doing it?'

Man searching for book in sections entitled 'Do it yourself' and 'Get someone else to do it.'

'Sorry - I'd love to come out, but I'm busy updating my Facebook status.'

'No Ken. Watching football and drinking beer at the same time is NOT multi-tasking!'

'I had to report it. Based on your lifestyle, your heart attack was premeditated.'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

'Running away from your problems does not count as exercise.'

Watching TV through window - "You should have measured the doorway first."

'Do you think we need more conversation in our relationship?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Columbus At Home...'A Spoon!'

The Unexamined Life on Demand

'Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, now he's watching coverage of other people watching gold.'

"It's not just the same old crap—it's wider."

'DIET? EXERCISE?... Can't you just OPERATE?'

"It's like I'm actually walking my dog!"

"Don't try to tell me this P.E. class! Get back to your homeschooling!"

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Spray Cashews

"Roger and I are just sitting around, letting ourselves be targetted by advertisers."

Is this your social life?: Party - Or is this: Fall asleep infront of Frasier.

'It's not laziness, its stress management.'

Mousehole TV

TV - Please stand buy. We've run out of ideas.

"This new reality show is boring and stupid!" "You're watching the news!"

'I'm disappointed. I thought this was a show about Contract Law.'

'Where does this go?'

"You have repetitive motion injury."

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on a machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

"I think his Olympic dreams have died."

'Changing the channels is not part of sharing the housework.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'