Couch Critter Pillows

'No, we don't have invisible fence, Dear. Grandpa's allowed to get out of the chair.'

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

Television Readers.

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Don't look at me!'

Couch and Potato

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

"God, I love this show!"

"Squeeze a monkey! They've only gone and taken all the blanket again!"

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

Emotional Baggage Handler

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."

Marriage counselor: 'I say he's a couch po-tah-toe, and he says, couch po-taa-toe!'