Couch Destroyer Pillows

"I can totally see why dogs do this."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

TV-Man

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

Emotional Baggage Handler

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'