Couch Contemplator T-Shirts

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"First break since 2008."

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

'As your financial advisor, I'd have to advise you to change your main income provider,'

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

'Hey! - why bicker all evening when we could be watching a film about ideological genocide.'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

His new 'Absence of Anything' reminds me strangely of his earlier blank 'Nothing to Say' canvasses."

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'