Couch Archaeologist T-Shirts

"Check and see if the remote's in there."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Psychiatrist with bust of Freud

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

How to be a Dynamic Over-achiever

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."