Cosy Conversationist T-Shirts

'Just ignore him. He can be really frosty first thing in the morning.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Crow and fox

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Jokes machine.

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Snow is falling...

The Algonquin Round Table

"Want to score some flu shots.?"