Cost-savvy Patient Pillows

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

"Surgery up here is free!"

Sale.

"Doc, my arm is killing me, but I don't know how I can afford care. My deductible is through the roof and I just got laid off my job."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

Crisis Buzz.

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'Ridiculously Expensive Coffee.'

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

Doctor's profits match a patient's scar.

Man bites on stick - "That other painkilling method is of course a lot more expensive."

Low income vampires.

'This is going to hurt, I'm afraid. . .I can't afford to pay.'

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

Affordable housing

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

"Wow, they want $10,000!"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Jim gets a powerful charge from electric cars but always gets burned by the sticker shock.'

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

'Computer Prices' blowing away you money

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

Avocado Prices

"It's elective surgery. Shouldn't I get a discount for the time you save not dealing with insurance forms?"

'Doc, before you jab it to me, what's the sticker price?'

January Sales

'I'd like to stay and watch. It usually cuts the bill by 30%.'

Tattoos! $50 and Tattoos Removed! $10,000.

'This pill you take twice a day before meals. . . this pill you take right after I tell you what those pills cost.'

'Granted, the burros are a lot slower than chair lifts. But for a quarter the price of a regular lift ticket, I'm all for it.'

"I can't afford probiotics . . . How much amateurbiotics?"

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"