Cost-cutting Strategist Pillows

'The superintendent is saving money by training driver's ed students in school buses.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Is the drug that you are prescribing available as a generic, so I can save some money, or at the very least, available from a pharmaceutical company that I own shares in, so that I can make some money?"

"If your insurance doesn't cover it, there's always the lottery."

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

The Affordable Shredder

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

'Here we stopped workers taking home pens.'

"He's not our founder. He just found us the most tax loopholes."

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

How to do without

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'We just drive by and throw candy and stuff like in a parade.'

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

"One day this will all be outsourced."

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

"We're going to spend £5M to put over the message that our product is so good it sells itself!"

'Budget cuts have forced NASA to find alternative training methods.'

Thrift: bathe fully dressed and wash your clothes at the same time