Cosmos Humor Collector Pillows

'I was chatting with Krog when, out of the blue, that thing fell on him.'

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Paper or plastic?"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Biliard Enthusiast

"Look what followed me home Mom. Can I keep it and call it Rover?"

First Contact

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"So much for finding intelligent life on this planet."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"With the whole world in NATO, we won't have to take any more crap from Mars."

"Thank you earthlings, without your space junk we would be nothing."

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'I am a bit concerned about what you meant when you said: LET'S DO LUNCH...'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Fourth quarter earnings down, please help.

'I've had a toothache for the last million light years, take me to your dentist.'

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

"Be realistic, how can lumps of rock zooming around in space affect our lives down here?"

"What am I, chopped liver?"

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

Space Shuttle.

"...but that equals 243 Earth days!"

Misfortune cookies

Affirmative response executive - Remember when they were just called 'yes-men'?

Tonight's specials are printed on the side of the barn. ? Bar.

'I'm NOT sweating -- those are OCEANS!'

"Remember, there's an additional charge if you don't refill the tank before you return it."