Cosmic Joke Enthusiast T-Shirts

On the eighth day God created blasphemy.

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Clown God

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Not now, Oliver."

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"We've come all this way to destroy their planet only to find they're doing it themselves!!!"

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

"Sorry to bother you again but I forgot to ask you to fill out our service evaluation questionnaire."

"Shall we put it in play?"

First Contact

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Mars Rover

"Does someone want to go on a space walk? Who wants to go on a space walk....?"

"Wow! - String Theory must be true after all..!"

Cosmonaughty

'And the actual value of the Hubble Constant is critical to the question or whether our Universe will continue to expand forever, or...POP.'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.