Cosmic Giggle Lover Gifts

Larry ignored all their warnings. 'The Big One, Larry. The cage won't protect you if the Big One hits'. And then one day it happened.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

I catched a star for someone I love: you.

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

"The best place to make black hole discoveries is in the bedroom."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Climbing to the moon...

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'I can't pronounce either his name or the out-sourced country where he works.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

Black Hole Corks

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

The Electricians Giraffe Aid

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

"Joe, you've got to stop singing 'Rocket Man.' Okay, how about 'Ground control to Major Tom'?"

The Big A** Theory

Doctor to patient 'Take two of these and call me in the morning...'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

Lust in Space.

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

The sudden extinction of prehistoric clowns explained.

'Which one's Ringo?'

"It's from the IRS. They demand full disclosure of all treasures laid up here."

"On what planet do you imagine this would be funny?"

"It's boring up here. The moon just has no atmosphere."

'Sorry, it's always the same - one glass of champers and I go all giggly!'

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

Laughing fish being tickled by worm.