Cosmic Coordinator Pillows

Focus on the important stuff...

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

God's Sticky Notes

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

'There it is. Just above Orion's Pants.'

This isn't just a simple infection -- you've got a whole ecology!

'Asteroid, asteroid!' ... 'Fore!'

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

"Why should I feel small? I've just been put in charge of the whole Eastern region."

Preserving space heritage.

'Walk it off, babe. Walk it off.'

Cellist on Mars

"Things to do Today: Create the heaven and the earth."

"Another example of corporate redundancy."

Hand me the remote...

Ok, I've set you up with an offshore back account, so you can hide your valuables for use after the oncoming apocalypse. You're too kind, sir. Where is it? Caymans? Switzerland? That's amateur stuff. The economy's increasingly global. When America goes down, it could take the Swiss and Cayman economies down with it. Then where – To open your account, I'll need your passport, tax returns, and a map of your genome. Bank of Deneb Prime. Trump turned me on to it.

"It looks like we might all be able do a brunch on a Saturday three months from now."

'The meteor saved us a bundle on a rock garden!'

"Oops - a leftover piece. Where does this go? Should I toss it? Why did I even create an appendix?"

"You do know 'high noon' isn't until June."

I can't help being self-conscious during an eclipse. It feels like everybody's looking at me!

"Well, I guess our fifteen minutes is about up."

"Sometimes I wish I hadn't cut corners to it it in under seven."

Moon Dump

'Honest -- I had no idea they could jump that high!'

'Okay, I'll see you tomorrow at noon... Uh, which time zone?'

"Trump has his finger on the button..."

The truth about crop circles

You're fired! I want you out of here by sundown!