Cosmic Coaches Gifts

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!

Boptimism

High-gravity baseball

'The good news is we've discovered a vast new oil resource. The bad news is we need a space ship to get there.'

'You're about to see a drive for the ages!'

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

'Aren't they restricted at this club?'

"i'm not surprised to find this. You can fit a pickleball court anywhere."

Terry, to me! I'm in space!

"I can take you to my yoga instructor, how about that...?"

"Why should I feel small? I've just been put in charge of the whole Eastern region."

Round-the-world cyclist has world stolen

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

No matter where. . . everyone gravitates toward the kitchen.

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

"Did you hear something?"

Space Orchestra

Cellist on Mars

Ok, I've set you up with an offshore back account, so you can hide your valuables for use after the oncoming apocalypse. You're too kind, sir. Where is it? Caymans? Switzerland? That's amateur stuff. The economy's increasingly global. When America goes down, it could take the Swiss and Cayman economies down with it. Then where – To open your account, I'll need your passport, tax returns, and a map of your genome. Bank of Deneb Prime. Trump turned me on to it.

No Air Guitar

"Oops - a leftover piece. Where does this go? Should I toss it? Why did I even create an appendix?"

'You're about to see a drive for the ages!'

Horoscope: Aries.

Golf on the moon

Last night I met an interesting guy online. He's an Aries with a trust fund rising.

Planet Football

"Trump has his finger on the button..."

Alpha Centuri crushes earth in straight sets.

The God's football

The truth about crop circles

'Go deep!!'

'I'm gonna squeeze in a quick nine black holes before the next epoch starts.'