Cosmic Catastrophists T-Shirts

65 Million Years Ago

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

Coronavirus

"When I was your age, we wished on stars. Now, we wish on satellites!"

"We've all said things about heliocentricity that look bad when taken out of context."

'God?' Earth receives its first transmission from space.

The lunar landing of Appollo 11 is shown as a hoax filmed in a studio.

'No, dear. I don't think the star on the Christmas tree will implode, and suck our living room into a black hole.'

"Shall we put it in play?"

"What, then, is theorigin of cosmology? Some say it has always been with us and always will be. Some think it arrived spontaneously, while others feel it started very small and is expanding..."

Eviction Notice for Earth...

'The big bang theory of creation.'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"Since I got out here, it seems my mind is like it's in a vacuum."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Kind of makes you realize how insignificant my awesome beard is."

"No Littering" sign in space.

Well, we found intelligent life, but we still haven't found ethical life.

"It's going to get us for sure. Buying that meteorite insurance was a stroke of genius."

Alien Painting Moon

"Wow, it almost makes me feel as insignificant as an unpaid internship."

The moon used to be a ghostly, unreachable companion in the night sky. Men and women would gaze at it at night, and its mystery would get them in the mood for lovin'. House of Java . Net Cybercafe. Then NASA had to go louse it all up by sending people there. It took decades of us giving up and abandoning the moon for it to start to seem untouchable again. Just last year, it finally regained its magic ... Then China went and landed on it. I still don't think you can sue China.

'I know just how you feel. Sometimes I think I'm living on the wrong planet too.'

'...And the precise value of the Hubble constant is critical to the question of whether out universe will continue to expand forever, or...'

'Looking into the vastness of space makes me realize how insignificant you are.'

Time-Space Convergence Ahead

'It's so beautiful, yet fragile. Safe, yet vulnerable. More precious than any star in the heavens.'

The Black Hole Commission

Why is there life on me? The first wonder of the world.

Cat scratch fever

God changes the channel with his remote.

Cluster Catastrophe