Cosmic Accountants Gifts

'I see you've laid up for yourselves treasures in heaven. Is this some sort of tax dodge?'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 1: Prologue

The Adventures of God

'The good news is we've discovered a vast new oil resource. The bad news is we need a space ship to get there.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"I hear the Universe is expanding - set up a meeting with their people."

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

"Dad, tell us a scary meteorite story."

"Shoulda brought the weed."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

Crouching God Hidden Buddha

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

Branson space shot

I send greetings from the planet OOM!

Tax Preparer. I'm working on my client's tax returns. Mars, being the "red planet," is claiming a business operating loss. Jupiter, with all those moons, takes deductions for almost 70 dependents. And earth has no new nations this year ... so no "capitol gains" to declare. Did Mercury lower his taxes? Yeah, he's eligible for a huge solar energy tax credit!

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

'The U.S. Treasury announced today that the federal deficit will no longer be measured in 'trillions' of dollars, but in 'light-years'.'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

Planeterrium.

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

TPP

'If the universe is expanding, shouldn't we invest?'

"Be careful - these things have consequences. Tax consequences."

Investment firm: National division/International Division/Universal Division.

'WHAT??! 3.695.897 euro for the pizza delivery service??!'

Mooning Moon

"I don't know what it is, but it's big and I'm putting it on ebay!"

"We've worked for free for the last time! . . ."

"Sin tax? I love it."

"See, the director's cut of the universe is at least two billion years older than our own."

An astronomer on earth posted a time-lapse video of us appearing to move across the night sky. We're YouTube stars now.