Cosmetic Scientist T-Shirts

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

"May I say that's a lovely combination of cyclomethicone, triisostearin, and propylene carbonate you're wearing today, Dr. Thomas!"

'I wouldn't be caught dead in this shade!'

"Guess who got promoted to cosmetics research."

"These? From shampoo testing? No it's the weirdest thing I'm really suffering with hayfever this year."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Bad fake tan day.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"No, Doris, not implants!"

What price beauty?

"I don't like your application."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

Do you think I'm sixty?

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."