Cosmetic Specialist T-Shirts

'Too much botox, Mavix...'

'This perfume is delightful, but unfortunately it also attracts meteorites.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

What price beauty?

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Do you think I'm sixty?

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

Woman applying makeup

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

"Botox."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'