Cosmetic Consultant T-Shirts

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

New Football Teams

In the Guru District

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Bad fake tan day.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Men's business romper.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Instructions for Bow Tie Wearers

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

What price beauty?

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'I'll take it!'

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

"Love the bag, Stell! Very career."

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'