Cosmetics Consultant T-Shirts

'I'm looking for something that reeks moderation and restraint.'

In the Guru District

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Men's business romper.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Instructions for Bow Tie Wearers

'Have you no common scents?!'

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

What price beauty?

'You're hopeful - worrying about what underwear to wear for the office party!'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'I'll take it!'

"Love the bag, Stell! Very career."

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

Woman applying makeup

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"'IF modom decides to change it' - don't you mean WHEN??"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

"Botox."

How would Madam like to pay?

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'