Cosmetic Developer Pillows

'No harm came to any of these animals during cosmetic testing, unless you count their libidos.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

The Computer Bore

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

Back to work...

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Friday

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Have you got your make up on yet?

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Hair spray"

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'