Cosmetic Developer Pillows

'No harm came to any of these animals during cosmetic testing, unless you count their libidos.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

The Computer Bore

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Back to work...

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Friday

"Too much concealer?"

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"I don't like your application."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Have you got your make up on yet?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

"Hair spray"