Cosmetic Dabbler Gifts

'Plastic Surgery for Beginners'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

Painting

My first mistake.

DIY Shelves

Practice Pigs at the Gene Farm

'Sorry Mum, but the silly haircut kind of ruins my body builder image...'

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

"Less panting, and more painting!"

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.

Biolab. I put collie DNA into a shark. I got a fish that still bites --- but then it goes for help.

Two men talking in front of half finished driveway. 'Your wife did mention you'd had an economy drive.'

'Yes, been meaning to call maintenance to put up that shelf for ages now...'

'I hate his more-contagious-than-thou attitude!'

'I've got to get in shape. I visited a fitness website and now I'm sore.'

I was having fun making log letters when someone asked "why?" So I Qui

"He's finally installing our security system."

'The results came back negative. You won't ‘just die' if you don't get that new designer handbag.'

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'Just ignore your father - he's been dabbling in the occult again....'

'Our 'Resolution Membership' is a no-obligation contract, complete with unscheduled workouts and spotty routines that fit anyone with weak, annual ambitions.'

Toy boat on a tsunami.

Genetically enhanced height

'Your Dad's OK, he's just been temporarily inspired by the Olympics...'