Cosmetic Connoisseur T-Shirts

Three women with plastic surgery.

'You're looking years younger Doreen. Have you had some cosmetic surgery?'

'A nose job, botox, breast implants, and liposuction... and you're the fairest in the land!'

Cosmetic Surgery

Cosmetic dental surgery.

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'At the time, Botox seemed like a good idea, but now I can't smile.'

'As it's women and not men who wear make-up, that must mean men are naturally prettier.'

A grave with an array of beauty products

Gentlemen, don't think of this as a corporate takeover, it's a corporate makeover.

PERFUMES, 'It's really just a sales gimmick, but we make everybody sign a waiver.'

'Botox so soon, Master?'

Overheated hair dryer.

Jutting Protuberances in just 10 Days!

"My phone is my cosmetic advisor. If the facial recognition doesn't work, I know I'm wearing too much makeup."

'So you think a little litter on my eyelids would send out the wrong message?'

"I don't care what they say about lipstick on pigs... That shade looks great on you!"

"I spilled my last drop of 'Eau de Passion'! Fragrance really does affect your mood!"

"Yeah, in a sense, fitting in her handbag means I can go with her everywhere, but the smell of cosmetics gives me headaches..."

"Fake nose."

"If I don't look old enough to have a fourteen year old daughter, why do I need your stuff?"

'When I had my first face-lift, it was still known as bakelite surgery!'

Snowman getting a nose job.

"Actually, I wasn't paying any attention to what you just said, but I LOOK interested and engaged, don't I? Cosmetic Eyebrow Surgery!! It's totally changed my LIFE!!"

"Being dyslexic doesn't stop me telling the difference between this and my previous detox treatments."

"...and we plan to offer it as a scarce and valuable product."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"The base is lava, from a volcano."

"Yes, it was tested on rabbits and they simply adored it."

"It's for people who have been using 'Obsession' too long."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."