Cosmetics Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"Easy on the cosmetics, dear. Use just enough so people say, 'See, you don't need makeup!'"

"Too much concealer?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

"I don't like your application."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

'Stop laughing - Have you never seen a girl putting her make-up on?'

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

'Got anything with a little less musk?'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"...and we plan to offer it as a scarce and valuable product."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"She's had a lot of work done."

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'