Cosmetic Comedists T-Shirts

"Will these hooves ever dry?"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Football Delivery

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

"You know Gladys, you seem to be getting younger by the minute. What's your secret?" "I finally decided to get a few injections of bootox. It works wonders!"

"Your eyebrows are beautiful, darling. I know you hate drawing them on."

"Well, this anti-aging cream clearly states it removes crow's feet."

Elephant nose jobs

'BOTOX...QUICK!

'Silicone implant ward.'

Dueling Glue Guns: Glue unto Others as you would have them glue unto you.

'There's a risk of headaches as a side effect I'm afraid.'

"Well, I've been a hot dog, pizza slice, cheeseburger, and popcorn bucket, but no, I don't have any burrito experience."

Botox secretary.

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

Cosmetics not tesed on animals

"Are you a yes man or a no man?"

'The captain yelled women and children first.'

Arthur maintains a sense of equanimity not matter what the world situation. Mind you, the Botox helps.

'Why do you carry your electronics in a fancy case, but your clothes in a paper bag?'

'The feedback on the extended opening hours was generally excellent, although some people feel we should provide croissants and coffee in the morning and a little late supper in the evening.'

"I'll bet you guys have great technology, I bet you could do great boob jobs!"

'I owe my creation to Dr. Frankenstein. But my botox, nose job and scar removal are the work of my plastic surgeon, Dr. Guida.'

"I envy you. How do you stay so slimy?"

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

'So I still haven't met anyone else who has a blow dryer that requires two people.'

Cut & blow dry.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, I will reveal the secret of my success."

'Well.. Your nails are very rusty...'

'Spread it on, lick it off.'

'It's a pimple alright. And it looks like it's ready to pop.'

'To be honest I hope you will be able to prove my suspicions wrong.'

"Yes sir Mr Jagger looks like there's oooone left," - Angelina Jolie buys lip balm,