Corporate Transition Pillows

"As a cub I got fed up with circus life, so I took a job in the mail room."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"I just..."

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

"We're a cable giant, you're a cable giant."

'I'm downsizing in hopes of a merger.'

No - None sense, take-charge, inc. - Formerly: Happy-go-lucky, inc.'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"