Corporate Turnaround Pillows

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

No - None sense, take-charge, inc. - Formerly: Happy-go-lucky, inc.'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

"I've brought companies back from the brink of disaster before Phil, but to bring one back from the dead? I'm still patting myself on the back over that one!"

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."

'I'm not looking for something that will eliminate 10% of my employees. I want something that'll eliminate all of them.'

"As a cub I got fed up with circus life, so I took a job in the mail room."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."