Corporate Changes Pillows

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

Yin and Yang VPs.

No - None sense, take-charge, inc. - Formerly: Happy-go-lucky, inc.'

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

The Department of People waiting for Something to Happen...

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

"Corporate thinks it's time we updated our motivational strategies."

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."

Now, gentlemen, doesn't the smaller table make these board meetings more cozy?'

'I'm not looking for something that will eliminate 10% of my employees. I want something that'll eliminate all of them.'