Corporate Reshuffle Pillows

'I hate these staff shakeups.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

New Memer/Incumbent

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

There's going to be a lot of this around here.

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

'Carson, this is the new organizational chart. This is you.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'