Corporate Tactician Gifts

'Let's take turns saying what we like about each other...and fake it if you have to.'

'...always surround yourself with incompetent people.'

'What say we set aside all our petty grievances and just hate each other on general principles.'

"Trading with the enemy? Yes, Senator, but we screwed them real good."

As you know gentlemen, the last two quarters have been very disappointing.

"Are you sending your people over here to smoke in my doorway?"

"...and the business will carrion as usual!"

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

The president's men

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

Takeovers.

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'My last comment appeared to be inviting feedback. Do not be fooled.'

Genius

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Competition is good...unless it's too good.'

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'Larry, you have everything it takes to go far in this company, but a word of advice: lose the laugh.'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

"I was able to negotiate it from a hostile takeover to an uneasy alliance."

'This is Osgood, our most essential man -- he thinks up new ways to limit warranties!'

"Hi, I'm Cindy, the company's most toxic employee!"

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

'Remember, Henderson - Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you've sacrificed your leverage.'

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"It's a dog-eat-dog economy. And I'm the Doberman."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

"You can't expect to get anywhere in business without making an enemy or two, Filmeyer."

'Some executives have within them the seeds of greatness. Others are just seedy.'

ISIS needle in a haystack.

"The change management consultant wants to move the meeting."