Corporate Strategies Pillows

'We have good news and bad news. The good news is we've developed a credible spin for the bad news...'

'It's agreed - we'll hire cheerleaders.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"Excellent. Email that to all our employees."

"All the signs were there. I should have known the company was headed for a nose-dive."

'See? The clash of corporate cultures wasn't so great after all!'

"We shouldn't have trouble retaining good people. I made an agreement with our competitors not to hire each other's employees."

Business Models

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We are looking at restructuring your team in a very unique way. Are you familiar with the term cannon fodder?"

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

Romney's Poison Pill

"We never found out what he was referring to: people, precepts or portfolio."

You did a hostile takeover of the corner lemonade stand? Why not? It's operated by Timmy. He's seven. He's a big boy. By seven, I had three ice cream carts. Besides, I made his investors an offer they couldn't refuse. We'll split the six free espressos. Waaaaah!

The aspirin deal has given him a headache.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

Romney's Poison Pill

"You'll fit right in. You have a great sense of rumor."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'I've got an idea for improving productivity...Stop having meetings and start working.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."