Corporate Spin Debunker Pillows

More of what people often say (and what they really mean)

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

Born In Captivity.

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"