Corporate Spin Debunker Prints

More of what people often say (and what they really mean)

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Born In Captivity.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"