Corporate Politicking Enthusiast Pillows

"Smile when you say that about my department, J.B."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

The MBA Draft

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Water company bonus.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

News for Sale

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'Once again you have exceeded my expectations.'

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

'I know it's easy to blame others. That's why I do it.'

Corporate Flow Charts/Ladders

'It was my unfair dismissal claim cap.'

'Looks like no cash bonus this year.'

The Genghis Khan School of Business Skills

Directors Meetings - Please do not disturb.

'It's not just a job. It's about being part of something bigger than yourself.'

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'