Corporate Ladder Critics Gifts

"Yes, there are prospects for promotion in this company. But only if you're intelligent and hard working... Or related to one of the directors."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Like many of those in tribicles, Mitch dreamed of one day moving up to the real deal.

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"