Corporate Jocular Pillows

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"Little help?"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

Career Choices

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

Under new blame.

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"Best project manager we ever had."