Corporate Jocular Pillows

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"Little help?"

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Career Choices

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

Under new blame.

"Best project manager we ever had."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'