Corporate Jesting Pillows

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

Career Choices

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'