Corporate Jargon Jokester Pillows

'I'm afraid we never use the 'I' word around here...'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

He likes to make work fun

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

Corporate Ladder and Corporate Elevator

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'