Corporate Jargonaut Gifts

"I liked that meeting. It had just the right mix of information and lofty platitudes."

HQ. Rather than telling people that we've been demoted, let's say "a segment of the military has been privatized."

"He wants me to do twice as much with half as much for less than nothing!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'What's wrong now?'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

Career Choices

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"Best project manager we ever had."

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'I don't think the employees like me.'