Corporate Ethics Pillows

'Run this by 'Legal,' but sprint it by 'Ethics.''

'How close to the truth do you want to come, sir?'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Your privacy is important to us...

'Oh, a drug test. That's a relief. I thought you were going to test my ethics.'

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

'Your company has got a massive corruption problem...'

"What are we going to do about those air pollution complaints?"

'The environmental impact should be minimal. In any event, we can work around it.'

'I agree, Sims, 'honesty is the best policy'. It's just not our policy.'

'It's time for the executive performance reviews, Fenwick. I'll do you if you'll do me.'

"Call the lawyers and ask if ethical and social responsibility is a legal requirement."

'Next...an in-depth report on corporate corruption - excluding, of course, our parent company.'

"Let's first run it by the boys down in corporate responsibility so that we can find out exactly how much we can get away with."

'No Batguy, it wasn't your arch nemesis who dumped toxic chemicals into the city's water supply, it was another deregulated mega-corporation.'

'We don't discriminate at this company... Rest assured, your racial impurity will have absolutely no influence on our hiring decision.'

Mission Statement: Do Bad Stuff...'All agreed?'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'Risky, but I like it!'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'We're in trouble when our whistleblower won Employee-of-the-Month.'

'Sometimes I like to stand here and think about the early days when I built this company on a foundation of honesty, loyalty, and fair play. It's not true, of course, but I sure like to think it.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Look, don't bother appealing to my conscience - I've filed for moral bankruptcy."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"If we did hire you, would you be willing to lower your standards to our level?"

'Smith, throw him out the back and say a truck hit him.'

"I'm making this decision on principle, just to see how it feels."

Sign on office wall: THINK. Loot the firm. Dupe the investors?

'Does anyone see a reason why this new market strategy shouldn't move forward?...It's more an illegal scheme than a strategy, not to mention awfully immoral...in other words, blah blah blah windfall profits blah...'

'I like the way his conscience doesn't get in the way of his profit motive.'

"The staff survey shows that signs of stress and depression are going through the roof!"

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.