Corporate Ethics Observer Pillows

'The following program was made possible by a totally unscrupulous sponsor....'

"Good boy."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

TPP - Investor State Dispute Settlement

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Comments? Thoughts? Anyone?'

St. Elmo's fired.

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'I like people.. but not a whole lot.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"They grow up so fast."

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Corporate Greed.

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'