Corporate Environment Gifts

'Coming into work today I teared up on hearing 'The Way We Were'.'

"We like to treat all our employees as individuals. This for example is individual No. P3604."

Complaining employee

"Average sales figures, average customer satisfaction, average punctuality. Mediocrity is certainly one of your major strengths, Jenkins."

Secretary with revealing filing cabinets.

"Don't be silly - lots of men share the same briefcase."

"With so many employees, it's hard for me to remember their names. That's why I always carry a bar code reader."

"What I like about this team is how we're always upfront and supportive of each other."

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

"Let's talk comparable worth."

'We need to panic until common sense returns.'

'I know it's not much of a bonus, but it does include unlimited breadsticks.'

"I want to help you to help me to screw you."

'I see you're big on building up staff morale.'

"You seem to be able to shift the blame for all of your stuff-ups....You're not fooling me...I know management material when I see it!"

"Keeping busy?"

"Here a Goldstein and Company, if at first you don't succeed, you're fired!"

These little monthly sales contests are a great way to create friendly competition."

Mr. Stuck-in-the-mud

"Uh oh, we've walked right into the middle of a fax war."

'Don't look on this as a hostile takeover, but as the big brother you never had'

Work Slave

"This 'hot desking' is a NIGHTMARE!"

"All those in favour of allowing pets in the office?"

"I work a lot, so I don't get outside much. THe best I could do is paint my office like the outdoors."

"We've exhausted the niche markets. How about we go for the lunatic fringe?"

"Corporate feels that we're healthier and more productive if we are hydrated."

"This office has an eager beaver, a dumb bunny, and a laughing hyena, but what I really need is a scapegoat."

"Before we start can we agree to agree with everything I put forward?"

"You want to leave the firm?! But son, there's no business like hoe business."

"Why do we call them 'interns'?"

Amega Inc: Established 1991, incorporated 2003, paperless 2008, faceless 2010.

"Sincerely, the friendly folks at Amtex International."

"If she wasn't such a bitch, she wouldn't have anything going for her."

"Sir, the competition is here to discuss the merger."