Corporate Dinner Pillows

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bo're'droom

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Inclusive speech

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'